What is it that defeats us all? Isn’t it internal doubt? We know what is right but we doubt it.

   For example, we know that we should place justice and fairness first, but something in our mind keeps whispering to us that if we don’t take advantage, that we will be missing out on something. It whispers to us that we will be fools if we follow the straight and narrow. It whispers that nobody cares and that “everyone is doing it.”

   Often the voice of such doubts is embodied in another. Many a husband knows he has to march to a different drummer. Many a man knows he has to follow his dream, as every great explorer, scientist, writer, trail blazer, and inventor has. But the world is there trying to make him doubt himself. Often a man’s wife is the chief culprit—arguing for “security,” to dissuade him from going the path of independence.

Finding true independence

   You must understand this: when it comes to discovering your special path in life—the one the Good Lord intends for you, not the one others would impose on you—you simply have to be willing to go it alone. You should not look for support from others. Even when it comes to as simple (but important) a thing as starting your own business, don’t look for support from others.

   Mostly, they will be opposed to it. They will argue that it’s too risky, that the economy is no good, that the time is not right, and many other reasons. If you listen to them instead of the inner intuition, you’ll never make the grade. It’s better to do what you intuitively sense even if you end up falling on your face. It could be that there is a lesson to learn, or perhaps the timing is not quite right. But if you listen to the nay sayers and the doom and gloomers, then they will be your authority.

   Just as deadly to independence are all the motivators and so called experts who want you to follow their plan. Also, I’m sorry to say that there is also danger in accepting any form of support. Again, let’s use the example of starting your own business. You are probably better off not getting an M.B.A., getting help from the Small Business Administration, SCORE (retired executives) or any other government help program. Why? Because the motivation must be faith. Our roots must go inward to draw upon courage and inner strength to accomplish a good purpose.

   Outside support is addicting and weakening because we come to rely on the outer support and motivation instead of the inner. Once separated from the inner, we become beholden and dependent on outside support. Worse, we become separated from the inner.

   This does not mean that we can’t ask questions, gather information, or receive a little help. Just remember that most external sources, people, and agencies gain their existence and power through ministering to a flock of dependent sheep. Their existence depends on your dependence. They become addicted to your dependency.

Father’s role

   Earlier we gave the example of the wife who ridicules and seeks to undermine her husband’s inner faith and independence. I’m sorry to say that most wives are possessive of their husband’s loyalty. Many wives secretly resent and fear a man’s inner bond with his Creator. A man must have a devil-may care-attitude toward what others think of him. If he sees a right course to steer, then he must be like Noah, Moses or Columbus, inwardly inspired.

   Don’t expect emotional support from your wife. A wife can be a tremendous helpmate. But if you look to your wife for support of who you are or what you do, you are casting her into the role of God, and the temptation in her will rise up to enslave you and rule you.

   Frankly, it’s almost better to have a wife that tries to cast doubt on every move you make, because that way, through your suffering (and seeing her agony) you will learn to be a man and look within for support.

   The man whose wife is very supportive of everything he does very often finds her in charge of his life instead of inner principle.  He becomes dependent on her support. She becomes a grace robber of even technically proper actions. Many a man has turned over the religious upbringing of the children to the wife. If he really had a bond with internal intuition, he would see that it is his responsibility as husband to oversee the very delicate care and protection of his children’s souls.

  Most men wash their hands of the child’s education, turning authority over to the wife, the external church, government schools, so-called experts and bureaucrats. Often bosses, bartenders, the other woman, or the support group are just substitutes for the nagging wife he gave power to and then ran from.

   Most men become little more than yes-men, rubber stamping whatever their wives or bureaucrats decide. 

   Some of the children of the characterless father who leans on his wife for support will grow up to be characterless conformists, stooges and shills for the worldly system, and addicted to its perks, just as he was.

   Some of the children, especially the more perceptive ones, will rebel against the nagging authority of mom or the arbitrary, condescending, or even wicked authority of strangers.

   Such children look bad. Though most of their acting-out is actually a cry for true love which should come from the father. Mom cannot really be blamed, either, because she’s simply stepping up to fill the vacuum caused by dad’s absence or abdication. Some women are power hungry and love the power they get. Decent women are troubled by the responsibility handed over to them. They wish their husband would step up and take his proper fatherly role, but most of the time he is more like a big kid himself.

Giving up blame

   Once again, I’m not blaming moms. Dad is responsible. If the suffering of his wife and children does not waken him to see his need for understanding, wisdom and courage, then nothing will.

   Many women are single moms nowadays. She has no choice but to do the best she can without a husband there. The first thing she must do is learn to not resent and judge her former husband, boyfriend, her dad, or men in general. The men failed her; but through understanding gained from meditating, she will come to see that all men are failures. A few will wake up; most won’t. Their weakness tempts her to play the role of his ground of being and then resent him when he falls for her temptation. But this no-win game must stop.

   As Ann Landers said: “It takes two to tango. It also takes two to tangle.” The decent woman must awaken to see her own role in failing relationships. When she does, her dropping of resentment and judgment will open up her own heart to receive grace and inner love from her Creator within.

   Some men are cads. But many men are decent. They might even one day find themselves and grow to be very noble. But the hard time that many wives give their husbands keeps them resentful and fixated to pleasing or appeasing her. In this type of resentment-based pressure cooker of suppressed emotions, he may not have enough space to find himself.

   In most marriages, both remain asleep, fixated to each other through resentment, blame, and guilt. In some marriages, one person wakes up and stops playing games. Sometimes the newfound awareness of the one will help the other wake up. If this happens then both will bring into being a heaven on earth. If only one wakes up, that person must suffer in dignity. At least that person will stop supporting the wrong in the other and adding fuel to the fire. 

   I know many of you who are starting to wake up face very difficult circumstances you have brought on yourselves. Divorces, rebellious children, health problems, and financial problems can sometimes appear almost impossible to solve.

   However, with God all things are possible. Just remember to put first things first. Meditate for objectivity. Then through objectivity will come understanding and patience. Do not seek to role up your sleeves and solve your problems egotistically. That’s what you have always done, and it hasn’t worked. Now you must learn faith. Stand back and observe your symptoms without resentment or upset. Realize your role in their creation.

   Suffer in dignity the pain of seeing the mess you have helped make. Wait to be repented. Let go and let God. Don’t look to anyone or anything else to relieve your suffering. God will then lift your burden. In due course, He will straighten out your life. In time, some of your loved ones might even come around. In the meantime, do what you can, realizing that you do not deserve grace. Be grateful to be given the power to stand back and observe your wrongs.