A Walk on the Spiritual Side


A Walk on the Spiritual Side A Walk on the Spiritual Side Finding Purpose and Joy in Life Roland Trujillo

Copyright © 2018 by Roland Trujillo

This book is dedicated to people everywhere who love truth, of which I am one, and who stands ready to be their humble servant.


Introduction What is Faith and How Do I Get It? Humans are More than Mere Animals All About Compensating and Changing The Absorptive Personality Syndrome Where Does a Good Man Get His Power? Why You Must Learn Not to Be Intimidated Exchange Processes The Ordeal of Trauma The Genesis of Disease True and False Meditation Why We Feel Drained God is the Great Awareness of the Universe Understanding Compensation Never Complain, Never Explain Notes From My Physics Journal Salvation from Corruption and Despair The Heavenly State of Mind The Problem with the Spoken Word The Living Word What Happens Without the Influence of the Light The Meaning of Perfection Recovery from a Dysfunctional Home External Stimulation Men and Women Subjectivity The Problem with Symptom Removal The Law of Liberty The Restoration of a Right Relationship with God Living and Loving Wholeheartedly


Many people wish to have peace of mind, a sense of spiritual purpose in life, and above all a right relationship with others, especially their loved ones. They want to live the good life, but become frustrated when cares and issues interfere with their spiritual walk. There is a saying of Christ that is very relevant here: “Seek first the kingdom of God and His right way; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33). A right relationship with God will automatically result in right relationships with everyone and everything else. Today we have so much information. For example, our smart phones and the internet can be fantastic tools to find bargains, get up dated information or do research. I’m glad we have the new technology (it permits me to have a website where I can freely share articles and downloads with people). We have plenty of information. So it is not a lack of information that we suffer from. We suffer from a lack of understanding. Today many people have so lost touch with their intuition that they don't even know they have it, let along how to find it. Yet it is through being attuned to our intuition that we receive wordless guidance from within, which is understanding. And for a lack of wisdom and understanding, people err and suffer. In fact the whole world has always suffered for a lack of understanding. But some people are troubled by their lack and realize that if they had more wisdom and patience they could handle life's issues better. Such people honestly wish to find such love and understanding to help them deal lovingly and fairly with others. The secret way to the fount of understanding has been hidden from the people. Christ spoke harshly to the Pharisees (the religious leaders of that day). He told them: "You know the way, but you keep it from the people and instead burden them with laws and traditions." Yet the secret is there to be found by the sincere seeker--hidden in plain sight. The secret way is the way of objectivity, of finding the Inner Light of Truth and relating to it. It is the way of repentance, because it is impossible to come in contact with the light of Truth and stay in that light without seeing one's own errors, such as pride and resentment, and regretting them in the light. The key to wisdom, love, and all the good things in life is within, and is not to be found in books, study, or knowledge. A man like Christ was full of love and understanding. When people heard Him, His words and His Presence awakened them to the Light in themselves. Some hated it. Others loved it and learned to relate to God within. From this new rapport, they were healed of their infirmities and restored to wholeness. We begin each day with meditation, thus we renew our commitment and our desire to have God enter our life. By beginning the day with meditation you are literally putting first your desire for a right relationship with God. David affirmed this desire for a right relationship with God when he asked God to “renew a right spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10). With the help of the meditation you then go out into the world carrying this meditative state of mind with you--this slight detachment from people, circumstances, things, words and thoughts. You are thus attached to the inner light from God and slightly distant to the world. You are “in the world but not of the world.” Because of this, you will then be able to discern which way to go and which things to dissociate from. More importantly, you will discover an inner intuitive source of endless love and patience for others. It is not possible for me to over-emphasize the importance of the meditation exercise. It is a simple technique for separating from the illusory world of the imagination. It is, in this regard, a simple technique for separating from worries, excessive thought, and the internalized pressures from the world. We have a tendency to go floating along with imagination, and we do so at the first sighting of stress. We seek refuge in the thought world where we feel secure. But what we are actually doing is escaping from where true security lies--in objectivity where we are closer to God. We cannot solve our issues when we are lost in thoughts. We have no control over thoughts when we are immersed in them. We cannot know the truth when we are lost in thinking and daydreaming. In order to find true rest, real security, real solutions, and salvation from the nightmare world of illusions, we must separate from thought. In The Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis put it this way: Why do you look about here when this is not the place of your repose? Gaze rather upon heaven and give but a passing glance to all earthly things. They all pass away, and you together with them. Take care, then, that you do not cling to them lest you be entangled and perish. Fix your mind on the Most High, and pray unceasingly to Christ. - 1 - What is Faith and How Do I Get It? “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?" Matthew 6: 25 And He said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. Matthew 8: 26 In a recent YouTube lecture I talked about how the fall from faith leads to becoming increasingly reactive to things. This is how it was for Adam. First there was the fall from faith, then came worry. First the fall from faith, then ensued increasing responses to people, circumstances, and suggestions. In our unsaved state, we are inherently prone to be emotional. Adam knew God intimately before the fall from faith. But for us, we are born into the kind of life he fell to. We have never known the pristine faith that Adam enjoyed before he turned his back on it. We have only known emotional subjectivity to the world. But don't be too hard on ol' Adam. He did not know what he was getting into. Here is an analogy. When Adam had lived according to faith it was analogous to when you are healthy and feel good. You don't realize how nice it is until after you get sick. Then you think back on how nice it was to feel good. Adam did not appreciate what he had until he had lost it. Then, for him, it was too late. Many people take their state of health for granted and assume they will always feel good. So they eat wrong food and make other lifestyle errors. Finally they lose their health. Just like Adam, when they began making wrong choices, they did not know what they were getting into. Maybe they were warned by others about their lifestyle choices, but they did not believe the warnings. Only after they start to feel lousy do they think back about how good they had it when they felt good. So it was with Adam. His faith was like a positive state of healthy being. But it was untested faith. Then when someone came along with the idea of being his great without God, he lent his ear, toyed with the idea, responded to it, and then ate the forbidden junk food. God warned Adam about what would happen if he ate the forbidden fruit, just as people undoubtedly warned you about some of the choices you were making. But you didn't listen. Maybe you heard what they said but did not really believe them. Perhaps it was the same with ol' Adam. He heard what God said, but he doubted it. Getting back to our out of control lives. We did not start out that way. We inherited a condition without faith (and intimate knowledge of God). Therefore we were prone to respond to challenges emotionally, since we did not have faith. We had no choice but to respond when we were teased and challenged. Soon our responses become conditioned, and then we become obedient to the source of the challenges. We had no choice about the life we inherited, nor did we have a choice about the conditions we were born into. But later in life, when we are grown up, when we have made mistakes just like our parents did, when we have been led astray, and finally when our choiceless choices have led us into grave problems and issues, we will be forced to see where all those smiling leaders, motivators, helpers and lovers have led us. We will see that the latent but untested clear vision and intuition of what we knew was right in our hearts was the lodestar we should not have doubted. We will also have the opportunity see how our ego stubbornness and resentments have compounded our issues. At this point we soberly begin to question the way we have been going, the things we have believed, and our prideful attitude. Yearning for what is right, our sincere yearning will be met by light so that we may see our errors, and in the light, be repented of them. This will be the beginning of salvation for those blessed ones who question the way they have been going and have a change of heart about the resentful, ambitious path they have been on. For us, salvation from our servitude to people and conditions around us begins when we respond to what we know in our heart. Then we begin to grow in faith. First just a little faith. Then more and more. What people mean by the term "maturity" is learning to remain unemotional. The mature person is calm and thoughtful. Unfortunately, most of us never got much past our learned emotionality from childhood. Though we pretend to be calm but are emotional inside. But once having found and recommitted to what you know in your heart, you will become impervious to stress. Responding more and more to the inner light from God, trusting in it, and believing it saves you from responding to and becoming a slave of external tease and challenge. - 2 - Humans are More than Mere Animals The ego of humans is not like the self of animals. The animal identity is fixed more or less (though animals, especially pets like cats and dogs, can be corrupted by association with humans). But the human is forced to gather bits of identity from the environment for the completion of his ego. This s/he does through reacting to external people and events. The bigger the trauma, the greater and deeper the imprinting. Though a series of small traumas over time will also build up to become the big trauma that alters the personality to the core. This need for identity bits, as well as the obliging presence of prideful people all around, ensures that encounters with devilishly cruel, confusing, and seductive people will provide plenty of prideful identity imprints for the ego. Any sort of identification is ego building and ego supportive. Hero worship is a way of seeking to identify with and a desire to become like who we are worshipping. Our hero worship, as well as the sick practice of putting others on a pedestal, are always self serving. We want to become like what we are worshipping. We want to become them in order to make our own ego into a glorious thing. If we fear them, or we are resentfully subject to them in some way, then our worship is both to get their identity (which we grudgingly admire) and also to pacify them and mollify them until we grow to be able to overcome them. The bits and pieces of ego identity that we gather through traumatic experiences with others build the material and emotional side of our identity; but there is also a spiritual component. Behind pride stands the spirit of pride. The ultimate fashioner and model of pride is the devil himself. Without realizing it, when we want to be proud, we are worshipping the author of such pride. So as you grow in your ego identity--taking your identity from culture, pride, and ambition-fostering institutions (such as schools and churches), from your prideful parents, peers and cultural, and from sports and entertainment icons, you keep seeking to be admired, worshipped and respected for what they promise to give you--a glorious image of yourself. But in your yearning and desire to be proud you also call upon a spiritual entity for his support, and as he enters you begin to resemble him. All human institutions, with few exceptions, are compensatory structures--seeking to make up from below for what was lost from above. Look carefully and you will see that they all serve pride. Parents inculcate pride into their kids; schools force or tempt you to study to “make something of yourself.” Prideful teachers (dead to true understanding and wisdom, and compensated with book knowledge) tempt you to be prideful just like them. Most workplaces are teasing environments that tempt you to become ambitious and greedy. They seduce you to go along to get promoted; or the injustice there tempts you to "get yours" and prove something. Even false churches get into the act, telling you to study "the word," tempting you to become prideful and ambitious for religious knowledge. Whether you love and emulate hypocritical authorities or whether you hate them--either way, you are tempted to become ambitious, and this attitude builds pride. Should you hate them and drop out and become a failure, your failing identity is also based in pride, your prideful judgment which sustains you in your hatred of them. Of course we are all born as little egos, and we have no choice but to gather elements to build our ego from the world. So it is natural up to a point. If you grow up in a decent environment, you will still gather your identity from outside. You will be tempted and teased by other kids, and challenged and pressured by adults who tempt unconsciously. You will undoubtedly see some other kids or adults who you admire (hopefully they set good examples and are not overly prideful). Thus you will grow up to be a big ego. As I said, this is all perfectly natural. Being a big natural ego, if you are not ambitious or resentful, is not to far from a natural innocent state. Especially if you have some principles, deal fairly with others, and aren’t very resentful. If there is salvation in your future, you will probably live within certain moral boundaries, and though you may make some mistakes, you maintain a love for truth. You will continue to yearn for what is right and you will have a sneaky suspicion that there has to be more to life. At some point, perhaps after having raised a family and after having gone as far as your earthly courage and good sense will take you, you will begin to experience the touch of God, as He begins to draw you to Himself, first by giving you light. You are repented of your sins, and then the second half of your life journey begins, this time back to the light. Unfortunately for most people, upon reaching full adulthood, they then get caught up in the teases, temptations and cares of life. They become resentful and defensive; and one way or another they develop pride through either conforming to or rebelling against those they have encountered. They discover that they have no power, and resenting this truth, they seek to compensate in some way to protect their ego: they develop a hard shell, an aggressive personality, or seek to gain power through acquisition of money or position. Others develop a retreating, withdrawing personality and fade from life to protect their identity. Those who resentfully withdraw from life usually compensate with fantasy. The more resentful and withdrawn they become, the greater is their fantasy life. Big egos soon make the discovery that they are becoming just like someone they hated, such as a parent. This is especially noticeable when they have kids of their own and they find themselves yelling, screaming and being impatient with their kids just as their parents had been with them. For the blessed few, a time of soul searching begins, and a yearning for real answers. This wholesome need is eventually answered by God. But most egos cry out to the wrong god. In their resentment and desire to make it big or prove something, he answers with the kind of answers that may make them successful (but they have to sell their soul and become a slave of the devil in exchange). Many decent people, who are resentful and compensated or withdrawn, might yet be saved. They have some decency and are not total sell outs. If they encountered someone who loves them enough to tell them the truth, and do so in a credible way, and in a way that throws them back on themselves, they might recover and then get on the path that will lead to God entering their life. But most of them never make it because of a devilish thing called comfort. What comforts you as you are keeps you as you are. Other people have discovered that it is easier to assuage egos than to confront them. In return they expect you to not call them out. Most people will like you if you make them feel comfortable and they will resent you if your honesty makes them uncomfortable. Most egos do not want to face the truth of what they have become, so they look for assurance and reassurance. They also want comfort to forestall the pain of being wrong. The wicked art of comforting egos takes various forms: lying to people, withholding the truth, praising them for what they are, reassuring them, and discouraging them from seeking true answers. Comfort is also the form of mild pressure that all cultures exert on their citizens. Everything around is geared toward denying truth, covering up, going along to get along and so on. And so it comes to pass that reassuring lies are comforting to the wrong ego. The lies take many forms. A woman lies to the man. She lies that sex love is all women want, and that sex love is all it takes to be a real man. By and large, doctors are been turned into seducers--most of them start out wanting to do good and truly help others, but telling people the truth will drive them away. It is easier and more lucrative to tell them that the problem is with their body and not with their attitude. It is hard to tell people the truth. The truth is hard to receive, and so many people will hate the truth speaker for bursting their bubble. Besides, there is lots of money to be made in comforting egos. So it was pride that ushered in the fallen nature. For us it is by inheritance. But we need to understand the link between pride, failing, and the fallen nature. Through understanding we may rise in consciousness, shed the prideful attitude, and then our whole being can be upgraded and set free from our lowly enslavements. When one is prideful, awareness brings self consciousness. For the prideful guilty person, awareness brings shame and pain in having to see the truth about their rotten life--so they avoid awareness like the plague. Bear in mind that we are all egos, and prior to being well along the path toward understanding through repentance and meditation, we tend to get hung up in either condemning or condoning the natural packaging we come with. Teenagers, who are becoming keenly aware of their physical nature as they leave behind childhood, become very self conscious. This is natural and just needs some wise guidance from parents who know that "this too shall pass." The natural ego is self conscious, feels a bit awkward in the physical casing we come with, modest, and a bit embarrassed about sexuality. As I have always said, our physical nature and especially sexuality, needs to be understood, not condemned or condoned. A certain amount of modesty is a good thing. And a bit of self consciousness is not a bad thing either. We should be somewhat self conscious about our animal bodies that we inherit, as this fosters wondering about the natural needs that attend our fallen physical selves. These needs are natural for animals but unnaturally natural for humans. Just as Adam, once he had sinned, became aware of his nakedness; so we, the progeny of Adam, inherit our physical bodies and its needs. Without the slight discomfort of self consciousness, we would never be prompted to wonder, question, and perhaps seek higher ground. Our fallen self needs to be understood not condemned or condoned. If we could just remain a bit self conscious and a bit troubled over our animal casing and its “natural" needs, this could lead to questioning and wondering. This healthy inquiry and wondering could lead to eventually seeing in the light the truth about our fallen nature and how it is inherited from our forebear who fell from a higher state to a lower animal one as a result of sin. This condition is what we inherit and what is quite properly called being born in sin. So we live as best we can, awaiting God’s calling us to understanding and helping us to gently lay down the animal life and take up the spiritual life. Until that time we make the best of it, modestly enjoying those joys and blessings that attend food, work, marriage and child rearing. We appreciate them, but our searching nature restrains us from living to the hilt and abandoning ourselves to just the physical side of things. But what most people do is become impatient (as egos generally do), and then feel compelled to either condemn or condone our inherited fallen nature. Egos, which are not searching, are tempted to judge. And so they judge their fallen nature and its needs as either bad or as good. If bad, then they condemn themselves and others and try to suppress every need, even natural ones. By the way, it is not wrong to have a sexual need and to express one’s sexuality within the bounds of holy matrimony. Modesty and propriety are called for, but not condemnation. Others, after struggling with their natural needs and being unable to completely repress them, eventually throw in the towel and declare that it is impossible to restrain our behavior, since we are just animals. So they let it all hang out and wallow in sensuality, judging it as good. Neither extreme is right. We have to be content with being natural egos, dealing as best we can with our natural needs with modesty and restraint within proper boundaries. So we get married and have kids and so on. Then, usually in the second half of life, after having lived a natural decent life, dealing as best we can with our inherited nature, and being patient with ourselves and others, our searching and wondering about the meaning of life brings us to the threshold where God enters our life by sending His Light. As we become more objective in the Light we begin to be shown the truth about the fall of the human race. And as we see this truth, we begin to have understanding, and this understanding begins to modify our appetites. We become naturally more modest and thoughtful, as our soul is rectified and then the mind and body.